Friday, September 29, 2023

Balancing Care and Life!

Recently, the renowned Malayalam filmmaker and screenwriter, K G George, passed away in a retirement care home. Following his demise, his family, especially his wife, faced significant criticism and cyberattacks from fans and the media for not caring for him at home. He had suffered a stroke a couple of years earlier, and his family has stated that they meticulously researched and selected a retirement home with a strong reputation for specialized stroke patient care, with doctors readily available. Their primary aim was to ensure he received the best possible care, not abandonment. It is indeed saddening that the family had to endure this unexpected wave of societal judgment and criticism during such a painful time.

Taking care of elderly parents is a difficult and emotionally demanding task that isn't straightforward. It becomes even harder when you live far away because you may not be physically present to provide daily care. Most of my friends are currently dealing with similar challenges as our parents' generation is getting older, with most of them now over 65 years old. Even if the elderly person is healthy, catering to their needs can be challenging because mentally, they may still feel they can manage their lives as before, but their aging bodies may not agree, leading to a struggle.

Caring for a loved one, particularly as a primary caregiver, comes with significant challenges that can impact the caregiver's own life in various ways. Below are some of the experiences that me and my mom had to overcome when my father was critically ill. While each family's situation is unique, there are common challenges and issues that families often face.  Although I'm not an expert, here are some of my thoughts on how to navigate these situations.

Emotional and Mental Well-Being: Witnessing a loved one's decline in health can be emotionally and mentally distressing, especially when you've known them as a strong person all your life. As caregivers, we may feel sadness, frustration, guilt, and anxiety, which can lead to burnout and mental health problems if not managed effectively. Therefore, it is essential to prioritize self-care, seek emotional support, practice stress-reduction techniques, and ensure that we take regular breaks to recharge and manage our well-being.

Physical Health: The physical demands of caregiving can take a toll on a caregiver's health. Lifting and assisting with mobility, managing medications, and providing personal care can be physically challenging, leading to exhaustion. Prioritize personal health by maintaining a healthy diet, regular exercise, and getting enough rest. Seek assistance from others or professional caregivers for physically demanding tasks.

Gender Roles: In many Indian households, caregiving responsibilities are primarily shouldered by women, which can result in a disproportionate burden on female family members. It is important to involve other family members and encourage a fair distribution of household and caregiving duties.

Time Management: Caregiving responsibilities can be time-consuming, leaving us with little time for personal pursuits, work, or other family commitments. Develop a structured schedule that involves multiple family members or professional caregivers. Prioritize tasks and consider delegating responsibilities to others.

Career and Work-Life Balance: Many of us have to balance their caregiving responsibilities with full-time jobs, which can be physically and emotionally demanding. This can lead to burnout and a strained work-life balance. Communicate with employers about caregiving responsibilities and explore available workplace support, such as flexible work arrangements or employee assistance programs.

Lack of Respite Care: Adequate respite care options are often lacking in India, leaving us with little opportunity to take breaks and recharge. Therefore, it is important to seek help from friends and family members to provide respite care, or consider hiring a professional caregiver to provide temporary relief.

Social Isolation: The demands of caregiving can often lead to social isolation. We may find ourselves with limited time and energy to maintain social connections and engage in activities outside of the caregiving role. Make an effort to maintain social connections even if it means seeking support from friends and family to free up time for social activities.

Uncooperative Patients: Caring for a patient who is uncooperative or resistant to care presents significant challenges for the family. It is important to respect the patient's dignity and autonomy while offering choices whenever possible. Seek their preferences and consider making adjustments to the care routine.

Stigma Around Institutional Care: There is often a stigma associated with placing elderly family members in institutional care, such as nursing homes or assisted living facilities. This can make it challenging for family to explore alternative care options. Educate skeptical family members about the benefits and necessity of institutional care when it's in the best interest of the elderly person. 

Financial Strain: Last but definitely not the least, caregiving can have financial implications, as it often requires hiring professional help, purchase of medical supplies, home modifications, or even reduced work hours or career interruptions to provide care. Seek financial advice to create a budget and explore available resources to manage caregiving-related expenses. 

Friday, September 01, 2023

Breaking Silence, Shattering Stigmas: Women's Health Awareness


I had thought long and hard whether to write this. In fact, this was a post I had been contemplating from my active blogging days more than a decade ago and finally got to write it now. This is to share my experience living with Polycystic ovary syndrome/ Disease  (PCOS/PCOD) which is a common endocrine disorder affecting women of reproductive age.  It is characterized by hormonal imbalances, irregular periods, and the formation of multiple cysts in the ovaries. It is a precursor for other serious conditions including obesity, type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease and endometrial cancer and its prevalence has been on the rise in recent years.

Teenage Turmoil

 My journey with this disorder began during my early teenage years. My mother had a transferable job, and during my teenage years, she was working outside the district, coming home only on Sundays. During one of her visits, she sat me down and explained about the menstrual cycle and gave me instructions on what needs to be done which according to her I might experience soon. The very next month I got my first period and managed it exactly as I was instructed. I also informed mom about it, and she was glad that she educated me just in time. But one thing she missed telling me and I was not aware of was that this bleeding would stop after a couple of days. Then one day I fainted and was rushed to hospital. A blood test showed extremely low HB count and that was when everyone around me realized I was bleeding heavily for 4 months straight! And that was just the first instance of the turmoil I had to endure in the coming years. Doctors were also new to this symptom at that time, and I was put on multiple experimental medications just to stop the bleeding.

 In a society where anything related to menstruation was considered taboo and impure, all the difficulties had to be hushed and endured silently. I remember the struggle I had in school during PT classes which I had no strength to attend but I could not take an exception as I was not comfortable talking to my teachers about it. Moreover, it was difficult to explain to others what I was going through, when I did not fully understand it myself. Then there was this excruciating pain that kept me awake all night and made me miss classes (even exams). After countless appointments and tests that spanned over 2-3 years, I was finally diagnosed with PCOD when I was 15 years old. The internet was not as prevalent then and so I had to turn to medical dictionaries to understand what it meant. Knowing what I was dealing with gave me a sense of relief, but it was also daunting to learn about the complexities of the condition.

Adulthood Challenges and Finding Support

The irregularity of my menstrual cycles made it difficult to plan my life, whether it was pursuing career goals or making social commitments. That was the time I had discovered travel as a passion, but it was difficult as I was unsure of when the heavy bleeding or pain would strike again. The unpredictability was frustrating, and I could not help but feel like I was missing so much if not for this situation. It was like putting my life on hold with no end in sight. (Though I have to say I have managed a lot of travels still with the condition)

The Internet gave me more insights into my condition but also amplified my fears, apprehensions, and uncertainties. That time I also realized I am not the only one in this space unlike what I had thought initially. I have close friends/relatives in the medical field and still it took me a decade even to talk to them about my experiences and that was a big relief. Slowly I told some of my travel mates so that they were aware of my difficulties during our trips. Sharing my stories and experiences provided a sense of belonging and acceptance and reminded me that I was not alone in this battle.

Symptoms of PCOS:

PCOS presents a range of symptoms that impact various aspects of a woman's health. Irregular menstrual cycles, often accompanied by missed periods or heavy bleeding, are a common hallmark.  Many women also grapple with weight gain and obesity due to insulin resistance, which may lead to an increased risk of type 2 diabetes. Conversely, excess weight can exacerbate insulin resistance and other PCOS symptoms. Polycystic ovaries, detected through ultrasound, are characteristic, but not all women experience this feature. Excess androgen levels contribute to symptoms such as hirsutism and acne. Mood disorders, skin issues, and sleep disturbances can further complicate the PCOS experience. Women with PCOS are at a higher risk for cardiovascular issues due to factors like obesity, insulin resistance, and metabolic syndrome. Irregular periods can lead to changes in the uterine lining, increasing the risk of endometrial hyperplasia (excessive thickening of the uterine lining) and possibly endometrial cancer.

It is important to recognize that while these symptoms are prevalent, not all individuals with PCOS will experience all of these issues. The diagnosis of PCOS is typically based on a combination of symptoms, physical examination, and diagnostic tests such as blood hormone levels and ultrasound. Treatment and management of PCOS can vary depending on individual circumstances and goals. Lifestyle changes, such as adopting a healthy diet and engaging in regular exercise, often play a central role. Medications may also be prescribed to address specific symptoms, such as regulating menstrual cycles or managing insulin resistance. If you suspect you have PCOS or are experiencing related symptoms, it's recommended to consult a healthcare professional for proper diagnosis and guidance. 

Managing PCOD and Acceptance

To manage my PCOD, I relied on a combination of medical interventions and lifestyle changes. Birth control pills helped regulate my menstrual cycles and reduce the heavy bleeding to some extent. But I also realized that lifestyle modifications played a crucial role. Regular exercise became a part of my routine, and I focused on maintaining a balanced diet to improve my overall health. While these changes did not cure my condition, they helped in managing the symptoms and reducing some of the emotional burden I carried. I also realized any change in my routine, food habits or even my mental state also adversely affected the condition and I tried to keep up with my routine whenever I deviated.

Living with PCOD has taught me the importance of self-love and acceptance. The societal notion of "good" is often intertwined with perfectionism and the pursuit of flawlessness can paralyze us. There were times when I blamed myself for not being "normal" or 'perfect' like others, but over the years I have come to understand that PCOD is not my fault, and it does not define my worth as a person. It has been a challenging journey, but I have also grown stronger through this experience. I try to be kinder to myself and acknowledge that my journey may be different from others, but it is still meaningful and beautiful in its own way.

While PCOD continues to be a part of my life, I refuse to let it hold me back. Through the years, I have learned to navigate the difficulties, finding strength in my struggles, and discovering ways to manage this condition. If you are going through a similar experience, know that you are not alone, and together, we can support and uplift one another on this unique path we walk.

# PCOS Awareness for a Healthier Tomorrow


Monday, August 22, 2022

Bucket list for this year

Two days back I was reminiscing about my activity filled early Bengaluru days and Ram was asking me why I am not active now and whether it was the marriage that changed me. Truth is, I had stopped doing many of those activities much before marriage, may be the day-to-day life just got in the way. And of-late, the pandemic had put some serious limitations on living the life that my heart wanted to live, and I thought it is high time I do something about it. So, I have decided to start living my bucket list by taking at least one step towards my goals every day. 

I do have a much bigger bucket list, but I thought of taking a subset to be completed in a year. I am just listing down few of my bucket list ideas and examples as inspiration if any of you want to create your own cool bucket list. Most of my list is based on things I am reluctant to do (like interacting with strangers) or to nudge me to do things I used to do earlier (photography, art, volunteering etc.) Basically, try new things, take a risk, overcome a fear, accomplish a task, pamper yourself - all tiny steps towards a more well-rounded you. Some of it might need some planning, some will only take a few hours out of our day, but at the end of the year, when we look back at all that we have accomplished, it will be worth it. So, make a list of the things you would really like to do and promise yourself to get started on one task each week. 

  1. Invite someone new to go for a coffee.
  2. On holiday, take a photo of ten strangers and try to get a little story or snippet to go with each.
  3. Ask a senior citizen, to tell you about what it was like when they were young
  4. Meet a Blog Reader in person (Anyone game? Of course, my treat)
  5. Give lots of (genuine) compliments. If you have a nice thought about someone, let it out!
  6. Perform a random act of kindness for a stranger 
  7. Become a mentor to someone younger than you.
  8. Take all old books and magazines to a local waiting room, for others to read
  9. Clean out your closet, donate everything you have not worn in the past year to charity.
  10. Declutter ten items
  11. Volunteer for a day
  12. For a period, a week, a month, or all year, only shop locally. Purchase free-range, ethical, and fair-trade goods, buy from independent retailers, at farmer’s markets and give handcrafted creations as presents.
  13. Pick a random novel from a bookshop. Read the first paragraph. Do something (anything) triggered by those words.
  14. Grow a Beautiful Garden
  15. Take an art class. (May be
  16. Make a scrapbook of a memorable occasion 
  17. Take the camera with you for an entire day and capture everything and anything that takes your interest
  18. Every day of a week, capture a moment of your day with a drawing or painting
  19. Create a piece of art & sell it
  20. Print and display the digital photos 
  21. Make a new website
  22. Make someone a birthday or celebration cake.
  23. Surprise Someone
  24. Take photos of ten favorite corners of your home.
  25. Visit your elementary teacher 
  26. Get back in touch with an old friend
  27. Write a handwritten letter to someone
  28. Get a professional body massage
  29. Book a meditation or yoga retreat
  30. Organize a professional photo shoot
  31. Create a family logo/monogram
  32. Run a marathon
  33. Take an academic course
  34. Clear credit card
  35. Take a vacation from the world for a day. Turn your cell phone off.
  36.  Keep a diary of all your thoughts and feelings. Write every time you feel like it.
  37. Visit a different country
  38. Go on a drive in an area nearby that you do not know well. Explore hometown like a tourist.
  39. Sleep under the stars. 
  40. Watch the sunrise and sunset on the same day
  41. Take a coastal road trip 
  42. Take the train journey through a scenic route
  43. Visit a new tourist attraction 
  44. Do a tour you have never done before
  45. Stay in a unique hotel
  46. Go on a girls only trip
  47. Stay up all night talking
  48. Go on a wildlife safari 
  49. Explore scenic biking trails
  50. Finish a classic novel
  51. Plant ten trees
  52. Make a list of everything that you have done and take yourself out to dinner to celebrate your accomplishments.


Friday, January 08, 2021

Hope filled New Year


We are already a week into the New Year and I guess the only word that can describe everyone's feelings is 'Hope'

Last year when I wrote , "Anyways the 2020s are here, and with this brand new decade come new challenges and some new opportunities that will change the way we live", I did not expect the kind of challenges that it would bring in. I guess the biggest change for most of us is that we now have a before and after lives - a life that was carefree and another where we need to hide behind a mask to safeguard our health.
2020 has been an emotionally testing and turbulent time, for almost all of us.  However, it was so unique and I consider it as one of the best I ever had. Here are some silver linings 

  1. Owing to the pandemic, it was impossible for any plans to be executed for many months. I usually fret even for a slight deviation in the plans I have worked out in my head. Covid taught me to drop the expectations and take tiny steps with discipline and consistency - one day at a time and see where it takes. 
  2. This is the year where I finally took the plunge to leave the corporate life behind and pursue my dreams. Though it got a bit delayed, the firm is finally registered and I am hoping for the operations to begin soon 😊
  3. Lockdown was the keyword in 2020 when almost all the countries across the world had to implement it. It happened during our planned relocation. I had my corporate exit on March 31st and the one month that followed was the most relaxing time I have ever had in my life - a big relief from conf calls/meetings/reviews/targets/milestones and what not. Probably a time I watched the most TV ever in my life. Binge watched Netflix and even saw a lot of movies too.
  4. To be back in the house you grew up - whenever we planned the shift, we had thought of moving back to Ram's place as it has a Machu (family temple) which needs to be tended to daily. But Covid stalled our renovation plans there and we are at my childhood home and who can be more  happier 😉
  5. As we have a nonagenarian at home, we are extremely careful in going out. The only place that we have been last few months is the grocery store. So to break the monotony, we have developed an occasional hobby - plant shopping. Also I am getting more than enough time to spend with my plants which gives me so much joy 💗
  6. I am so so grateful for the health and safety of my dear and near ones especially when we know healthy days are a luxury these days. It is scary especially when there are casualties in your close circle itself.
I did have my fair share of disappointments - not being able to travel tops the list. That was one of the main activates we had planned once I quit. Second is not being able to meet my family and friends in person especially when I was deliberately avoiding online communication and doing personal meetups. Hopefully we will be able to overcome these challenges in the New Year. Let us Hope that the New Year is different in a good way.  Do let me know how was your 2020 and what are you looking forward  2021 in the comments.

PS: Do let me know if you are seeing any layout issue for the post. Apologies to my subscribers as you would have got multiple mails when I was posting and reposting for the last 2 days. Maybe pandemic effected the blog too 😵 

Friday, May 15, 2020

lnter-state travel to Kerala (14-05-2020)

Just wanted to share the procedures and  experience travelling from Bangalore to Kerala (Thrissur) by road.   


  1. Apply for epass in the site giving preferred date of travel and the time window of arrival at the checkpost
  2. Wait for an enquiry call from your respective local administration bodies.We got a call from thrissur corporation. Main requirement for home quarantine is to have a room with an attached bathroom and also some to help to get the essentials.
  3. Post the call and a confirmation on facilities for home quarantine, an entry pass will be issued.
  4. Once the entry pass was approved, we had applied for source pass from Karnataka in the SevaSindhu app but it never got approved till 14th, may be because the rules were changed later  ==> So this step is NOT needed.
  5. On the date of travel, keep the entry pass ready (no need of printout. Can show in phone) as there will be checking at every state and district boarders that you pass.
  6. At the destination checkpost, there will be verification of the epass post which you need to undergo screening 
  7. Screening was very smooth and it barely took us 20 mins for the whole procedure.  They verified the details and  did a temperature check of all passengers (contactless)
  8. You also need to install Aarogya Setu app and register, if not done already.
  9. Post the screening, transportation pass
    Transportation pass

    is issued to the passengers indicating the fitness and a sticker for the vehicle

  10. You can cross district boarders only with this pass where it is checked and the full address of destination is noted.
  11. You will be advised to contact the respective PHC upon arrival and also advice given on the quarantine procedures to be followed at home.
  12. We got the call from PHC even before we arrived and also in the evening after we arrived.
  13. We also got calls from counceller yesterday and also multiple calls from the state police today cheking on us. 
  14. Edited to add - Police visited our home and looks like there will be daily visits twice until the end of 14 days.
  15. Edit 2 : People from DMO office also visited our home and handed over the quarantine procedures to follow and also a specific booklet on lockdown with lots of info including mental health and food habits.  We had to sign an affidavit as well.

Quarantine Procedures:
  1. We are advised room quarantine and since we have a nonagenarian at home, we are staying upstairs.   
  2. Food to be served in the room and family member serving us to wear mask.
  3. We have to keep seperate utencils for us and to be washed by us and not to be mixed with other vessels used by other members
  4. Wash our cloths ourselves
  5. Car which we travelled should also be quarantined and not to be taken out by other family members
  6. None of our possessions to be touched by other family members. Newspapers etc to be read by other members and then only given to us and not to be passed back.

Random notes:
  1. All the tolls are functional and so recharge the FastTag to avoid cash transaction. Some have increased toll amount  and so keep a buffer while recharging
  2. Cook and carry food , snacks and refreshments as almost all of the highway eateries are closed and that is much safer too.
  3. We were shifting back to Kerala and so had the entire household to be moved back. Most of the packers and movers said they haven't started interstate operations for fear of 14 days quarantine. But this is not the case for container drivers as long as they have  exit pass (it is a different procedure). Same with taxi also in case you do not have own vehicle.
  4.  As soon as the norka registration for interstate travel opened , we had registered but due to ambiguities related to cargo movement earlier, we had applied for epass only on 3rd of May for a travel date of 11th May after getting confirmation from packers n movers. Initially there was a confusion in issuing passes for people coming from red zone and our application was not approved until 10th May. Since we couldn't do the shift in a day, we couldn't travel on the same day of pass. But travelling on a later date is fine. Earlier date will not be possible. So apply accordingly
  5. There was no rush at the screening centers on the date and time we arrived and social distancing was followed  unlike the reports that we read. 
  6. Everyone coming in single vehicle will be screened at the same counter. There are seperate counters for senior citizens, pregnant women and children.
  7. Follow the quarantine procedures strictly as we do not know how and when we are getting exposed especially since we are passing through different checkposts. Most of the officers were careful not to touch anything from the passengers but it is never a guarantee
  8. Last but not least avoid any non-essential travel. We travelled only because I had quit my job and our next plans were to be in hometown permanently.

Wednesday, January 22, 2020

Growing older

image courtesy - google

I never thought growing older would be something I would appreciate and be thankful for. I remember the excitement of turning 10 and I guess that was the only time I was excited for a milestone birthday. When I turned 20, I was sad that the teenage days are getting over and the prospect of being an 'adult' with responsibilities didn't appeal to me much. Turning 30 was even more painful after my parent's demise and the future was indeed looking very bleak. When I turned 40, I was sad that the 'youth' is gone . In fact we were joking in our school group that when we die now, in our obituary we would be termed "middle-aged' or 'madyavayaska and not youth or 'yuvathi'. But it was then that the reality hit me hard - I realised I have surpassed many in my childhood who I thought were 'old' like my uncle who died of cancer at 35 and few more deaths I had encountered then.

This decade seems like an interesting time in a person’s life - there is enough life to look back on, and hopefully a lot more days still to experience and live life. I am really thankful that I came this far and is here now. It is an amazing thing. Here are few things I am pondering in the last few months and wish to implement in my life going forward

Travel  -  It is a big, wide world out there with so many experiences waiting to be explored. So this is definitely the top most priority. I am not someone who had shied away from travelling and I am thankful for all those opportunities. In fact, many places which I saw as pristine, untouched trails have now become so unrecognisable with filth and commercialisation and some nature's fury. I am hoping there are still many more which are not so damaged out there for me to explore.

Spend time with family and friends : In the recent past I lost some friends and family in their 30s, 40s and 50s which is kind of a reminder that there isn't infinite amount of time left as we tend to compare ourselves with an older generation where 'aged' is defined as 80s or 90s. I am not getting younger and want to spend as much time as I can with those I love the most and doing things I love to do the most.  

Make ourselves a priority : I guess we are totally and solely responsible for ourselves - our choices, our decisions , our priorities. So it is very important to live intentionally with specific purpose and commitment. We need to see if our hobbies are taking a backburner to other work and personal commitments or say a full time career is coming in the way of spending quality time with family. So yes indulge ourselves - celebrate who we are 💓

Take Risk  : "What's the worst thing that could happen?" This was what one of my favourite manager used to ask when we faced any challenges at work. I guess this is an important question that we need to ask ourselves in the crossroads of life as well. So I guess do not postpone anything that you wish to experiment on. We will be happy that we at least tried and even if we do not succeed, we will surely emerge wiser and much more experienced right?

Declutter : This surely is a difficult process for me. I came to bangalore with a single bag and when I shifted my home after 15 years there were two truck loads of stuff and I am sure now if I try another shift it is going to be even more. So I am trying to declutter but the hardest thing to let go of are my books and my so called craft things. Let's see how it goes. I am also going to stop any purchasing unless it is absolutely necessary - mainly the amazon "browse and buy" phew 😈

Relish Life : Take time out , SLOW DOWN . Dark days may come time and again, but they don't last forever. Hope is real and life will be more beautiful than we ever imagine it to be. So yes in the years to come I am only looking forward to health , happiness , experiences and wisdom 😊

Tuesday, January 21, 2020

My Pets

When I listed down the things that bring a smile to my face, one of the toppers in the list were of-course my pets.The love, playfulness, laughter, snuggles - when you think about it,It is a unique thing to create a bond with other than one’s own species.

I used to have cats at home right from my childhood. It was always a random cat who chose to walk in and decided to stay. They would then move on to some greener pastures after sometime and so I never had a real "pet" until Sony came along.  Little did I know the evils of backyard breeding or the trauma and the immunity loss the pups suffer from being taken away from mother and litter-mates earlier than 2-4 months. I do feel sad about Sony these days but sometimes you learn some life lessons the hard way.  Only thing I am happy about her is that she was never tied and roamed around freely in the compound all her life.  I really understood and encountered 'pets' after coming to Ram's house as there were 7 dogs and some of them were rescues and abandoned ones and Ram also had this habit of feeding and treating the streeties  too. Each of them had their own characteristics,  personality traits and demands. Kuttu was the boss, Vicky the guard, Arjun the foodie, Bebo the runner, Kushboo the pet demander , Amy the timid bloomer and so on 🐶🐕

Once we moved to Bangalore, hearing about the lab rescued freagles , we adopted one and that's how Diva came into our lives. She was almost 6 years at that time and had spend all her life in a body sized solidarity cage in labs. These dogs were put in the cages when they were puppies without any stimuli, not even sunlight and many were with their vocal cords removed so that they don't make any noise. Until a change in law in India, these beagles would spend their whole life like this and euthanised once they are no longer useful. 

When she came to us she was terrified of everything and settled to a nook of our home and trembled. She didn't know how to adapt to a world outside of her cage - everything, from soil or grass or stairs or sunlight , was new to her. She didn't even know to eat anything other than pedigree and curd (even chicken she did not eat). She was under-confident, anxious , confused and her instinctive reaction was fear and the slightest sound or a sudden movement made her freeze. (3.5 years later even now she does that sometimes). It was to ease her around humans and to teach her "how to be a dog" that we adopted Hachi. He was abandoned by his previous owners and because I was fascinated by "Goldens" I approached the counsellor and may be because it is good for Diva, they chose us. 

Although we mostly think we are the ones saving them, it is debatable who has saved whom as it is immense learning living with them on a daily basis. Each of my pets have taught me a lot of things and have helped me put life into perspective.

Diva will tell you that however old you are , there is always a new beginning. She will also teach you to move on , move forward , no matter what life throws at you. Also to appreciate the simple things in life, and find joy in them, like stopping and smelling every single car tyre in the lane 😉

Hachi will tell you to  Live In the Now - do not worry about the future or the past and simply enjoy the present moment and celebrate every day. He is just happy to have food, water, shelter and some people around who loves him.  Oh yeah and the most important lesson "Know When You've Messed Up, Own it , Then Get Over It". When he gets caught red-handed for some guilty act - he would hang his head , lower the eye and refuse to look at us in the eye (I guess most pets do the same)  But two minutes later, he moves on and seems to forget that it ever happened.  How simpler life would be if we could all shake the negative emotions off so quickly right? So next time any challenge that comes your way - Face it, deal with it and then let it go 😍

Tuesday, January 14, 2020

The kindness of strangers

Image by reneebigelow from Pixabay
I am sure all of us would have experienced kindness in one way or other and when it is from a total stranger, it is never easily forgotten. Ever been in such a vulnerable place only to be helped by someone you have never met before?  That someone who could have walked past, but chose not to... I have had some such incidents and thought of sharing it.

This is an incident that happened 19 years ago when mobile phones or google maps were not there for our rescue. It was the first day I landed in a new country on assignment. Also my first ever trip alone and outside India. Usually, for these assignments, you are mostly on your own. Thankfully for me, my counterpart was kind enough to come and receive me at the airport as she knew it was my first trip and I am travelling alone. In the short time that she was around, she gave me an overview of the German train and bus systems as there were absolutely no signs in English those days and I had no clue of German either. Once we reached my apartment, she told me to take rest and said she will pick me up after office for dinner which she did. We went to an Indian restaurant and she also helped me to pick some milk, juices and some vegetarian eatables for my stay. Unfortunately it got a bit late and so after dinner she didn't have time to drop me back as it was time for her last bus. So she got me the bus map to the place I was staying. Only catch was after 8 PM, the buses will not go via the stop next to the place I was staying and instead takes a detour after the previous stop. Based on the map, she told me to get down at the prev stop and walk in the direction the bus has taken for 10 mins and I should get to my original stop. I got in the bus and alighted at the designated stop and started walking in the direction the bus went. Little did I know at that time that the bus had taken the right turn first and then stopped. According to the map the stop was in the main road and the right turn was after the stop and that is why she told me to walk in the same direction. It was 10.30 PM and the night was getting colder. I didn't have any warm cloths as it wasn't very cold when we started and also had some 5-6 kg of load that I had picked for my entire stay from the grocery store. It was all fine as it was only a 5-10 min walk to the apartment. But I walked, walked and walked and the familiar stop was no where to be seen. There was no human in the road to ask (even if there were I didn't know the language).I had picked a business card of the apartment just before leaving for dinner. I saw a telephone booth and thought of calling the apartment but it needed a pre-paid card which I didn't have and even the operating instructions were in German. Most of the houses were dark and there were hardly any vehicles on the road. I then saw a car and stopped it and asked for directions showing the business card. It was an old man and he tried searching in the map(physical) and told me it is somewhere near but could not give me an exact direction. I again continued my roaming and by then it was 1.30 AM and I was walking in that road for 3 hours. It was the start of winter and the temperature was - 4 °C and my hands were swollen by the weight of my groceries. As a last try, I started walking in the opposite direction and probably reached the main road. I guess I went to and fro many more times in desperation and suddenly I saw a couple sitting in the sidewalk and smoking. I did fear they might be doing drugs considering the odd timing but I didn't have an option other than to approach them. In fact, I have no clue from where they came as I hadn't seen them in my earlier pacing. Probably from a pub or a party near by. Anyways, I showed them the business card without much hope but to my surprise the guy knew the place. He understood English but could not speak and so although he tried to explain me the direction I did not understand it and the desperation set in again. Realizing that he accompanied me and took me through a short cut to my apartment and before I could come back to my senses and thank him he disappeared, just the same way they appeared in the middle of the street ! I really don't know who he is or what his name was but without his help I don't know what I would have done in that cold night in an unknown place without any means of communication.

Another incident was when I was pick-pocketed in Rome and lost my passport and other valuables. Since my base was in Germany I couldn't stay back in Rome for the passport retrieval process. So I had to return and thankfully the officer at the boarder allowed me when I showed the FIR and the xerox copies of the documents (which I had carried with me thankfully). That was the first kindness in that whole process probably because Rome is notorious for the theft and they have seen many such cases. But the real test was yet to come. I called up the embassy and explained my situation but the officer was scolding me to have come back to Germany. His argument was if you have lost the passport in Rome, you need to take it from there and he cannot help. Finally, after much pleading he asked for details of passport and place of issue and such. When he realized, I am from Kerala he was happy to help and even offered that I can stay in his house as it will be difficult for me to get there on time if I tried to take the train the same day.  The Indian consulate in Germany was in Bonn that time which was around 600 km from Munich where I was staying and there were hardly any direct trains. Thankfully my friend was studying in Koln which was only 30 mins from Bonn. So I went the prev day and stayed with her and could reach the embassy at the appointed time in the morning. The embassy officer also raised the same objections of different country but Mathew sir (the earlier officer I talked on phone) convinced him and he agreed to issue my emergency certificate. Again the catch was the distribution of documents starts only at 4.30 PM and my direct train was at 3.30. If I missed that, I had to take a break journey with only 1 or 2 mins connection interval in the middle of the night which was almost impossible without knowing to read the directions written in German.  I was wondering what to do as I had my return flight to India in 2 days or even that had to be postponed. It was at that time a couple entered which I guess was mostly the last appointment of the day. What are the odds that they were also from Kerala and settled in Munich and had driven down to Bonn in own car and were returning the same day?  Mathew sir was talking to them and as soon as he found out these details he introduced me to them. There was no compulsion on Mathew sir to take care of me like he would of his own daughter and go to the extend of getting details from random people who has come to his office so that I can return safely. And even for that newly married couple, there was no need to agree to take a random stranger in their car all the way back to Munich.  The couple were Joseph and Olivia and they safely dropped me to my apartment in Munich and even today I think about them with so much gratitude. I did try to search for them in Google to get in touch with them again but no luck yet 😔

Another incident happened to my father in my hometown. He loved going out and used to go to town multiple times in a day. So for sure many people knew him by face. One day he blacked out and fell in front of a shop. I guess it was the first time it happened (there were 3-4 similar incidents that happened later which might have been the result of brain tumor). It was not so easy to trace someone in a town like Thrissur if you don't know them directly - no name, no address, no phone number. But someone saw him and recognized that he lives in his friend's neighborhood. He called our neighbor's house and described him and they contacted amma. She then rushed there and took him to hospital. If that person hadn't taken that pain to connect the dots and trace him to our neighborhood, not sure what would have happened to acchan that day.

Hopefully in this time of negativity all around us, these are some of the incidents that make our hearts grow, and remind us that the world isn't a scary place after-all. It will restore our faith in the world and encourage us to carry it forward..

Wednesday, January 08, 2020

Nostalgic Meetups

I had to finish the year by noting down some of the gatherings I managed in the second half of 2019.

Sid and KK : Only one way to describe them - Two of my longest travel buddies and ever ready for any trip any time 😍 I can't remember a time when either of them have said "No" to a trip. KK was my college senior but as usual I had no interaction with him in college. We realized that we were working in the same company but in different buildings via one of the mails in 'SriFriends" - a yahoo group that another of our common friend had created for interaction of college-mates. We then planned to join an organised trek to Bisile Forest - my first ever trek in the lifetime which also kick-started the famous "wayand trip" that finally led to the formation of this 'travel gang'. We were actually four core members then. Sid was my junior colleague that time and got absorbed to this group soon enough (the only non-mallu or duplicate mallu as we called him) and took over the "planning" burden from me 😊 We have had many crazy adventures and also some very memorable trips. It will be a novel if I need to list down all of those memories and so I am not attempting that. Our trips have reduced a lot after Sid moved to US and also probably we have started aging and priorities have changed 😉 Anyway I am glad to have these meetups at least when he comes down here although this time other members of the gang could not make it.

Silly Girls : We all were in a strange team with only girls and a sole guy (I have to actually say strange manager as he took only girls in his team!)  Ambili was the only married person at that time and she used to describe all of us as "Silly girls" although it is debatable who is the silliest one 😆 Work wise it was a hectic time and we spend most of our time in the office and as a team we supported each other enormously. It was also the time of my cooking experiments and we used to have a potluck lunch almost daily and they were the victims of my cooking experiments too  😂 Anyways that eventful team (we fired our manager) and the eventful days got over and we all moved to different teams but still kept the friendship going. Meanwhile Ambili moved to USA and some of us also left the company. Usually we meet whenever Ambili comes down and it is a large group with spouses and kids. So this time we decided to have a girl's(women's) day out. Yes Ambili was missing this time but these meetups do take us back to those early days of our career 😊

Mahesh : My joining in NIIT is a funny story. I had joined for EEE in REC Calicut that time and my mother had all sorts of "worries" of me moving away from home and finally I had to take the TC and join in GEC Thrissur. So to compensate my disappointment, amma found a 3 year course in NIIT which supposedly would make you job ready (to be frank it did as the only programming that we had in syllabus was Fortran programming!). It had an exorbitant fees that and on inquiry they told about some scholarship test and if I pass can get a fee waiver. I passed their test and got a significant fee waiver and so joined the course. Not sure if it is timing or the course structure or what, I was the only girl in the batch. The lab usage, assessments, projects and seminars was done on a team of two basis. So Mahesh was assigned as my teammate and we remained partners in crime for the next two years. I still remember our first seminar where we started collecting the info on the day of the seminar (last minute rush) and had lots of challenges as only one system had internet. We almost thought we will flunk as it was an external assessor, but could answer all his out of the box questions (Thanks to readers digest and such books I used to read those days). After the session our tutor came and told that he was really doubting about our presentation seeing our morning madness but we did well and guess what -we were the toppers that time(beginners luck) 😉 We continued the same madness in all the semesters and fortunately managed to sail through the course. Over a period of time even our families got closer as his mother was fond of 'girls' as she had three boys. Even after the course, we continued the friendship at a personal level and he remained my kid bro although he moved to US quite early in his career and we were not meeting in person that often. So it was good to catch up with him after 7 years although it was late in the night after an exhaustive day and a long flight for him. Unfortunately as usual I forgot to click a pic and so here is one stolen from his family album.

Uncle & aunty : Although I call them Uncle and aunty, they are more like my parents as I lived with them for 15 long years. Technically it's almost the same no of years that I have lived with my parents too. I had briefly mentioned about them earlier  They have been an integral part of my life in Bangalore  and most of my friends here know them quite well and vice versa. In fact, during the initial days almost all my classmates had the same address and phone number and uncle was the one who used to take the calls on everyone's behalf and passed on the message (pre-mobile era).  It was their presence that I missed the most when I shifted home to e-city. I do visit them often but it is never the same as living in the same house. Anyways when their son Kumar came down from US, they paid us a short visit

Jayan : He was my pen-pal in the e-mail world. Of course we were classmates in engineering but we hardly had any meaningful conversation during those days. It was the time when internet and emails were just coming in and although we had private e-mails, we had to go to an internet cafe to check that. Even in office we didn't have internet access in the desktop (Yeh we didn't use Google for our coding or error solving. God I am already feeling like coming from an alien generation). So most of us used the official email for private communication too and in the initial days, it was quite thrilling to get an instant reply for your emails. And those days only few of us from our class were placed and this was the time me and Jayan started our email conversations. This was before the blogging era and with my love for writing letters, it was a good break to have someone reciprocating compared to the one sided letters I used to send to my cousins. We talked about various topics - mostly stories, dreams, philosophy and all. I was in Bangalore and Jayan was in Mangalore and so we never met and later Jayan went for his MBA and we did not correspond after that and lost touch completely - what usually happens when your e-mail id changes. After his MBA, Jayan settled in UK and so this was our meeting after like 20 years and all those conversations came back. I think I really need to dig up those emails from the old pst files to find that younger me and my thoughts those days. Who knows it might be a book material as Jayan said 😈

Santosh and Leena : There are strange ways in which people cross our paths and this couple is one such. Leena was my senior in school and Santosh was in another batch in NIIT Bangalore where I did my last semester of the course. I knew him by face but never spoke although both of us knew that we are from Kerala. So when we met outside of NIIT in the Raheja lift, we both were surprised and got acquainted (the famous mallu-mallu bonding 😀) He was working in the 8th floor and me in the 10th floor and so we met often mostly during the post-lunch walks in Brunton road. Later Leena also joined their company and we got reacquainted as we already know each other from school. Both of them got married and migrated to US soon after. Although we did keep in touch via blogs and other social media and was aware of the developments in each others lives, we were meeting in real life after 16-17 years.

Changathikoottam : When the whatspp groups came in to existence, this was one of the first groups that I became part of which was a random group of few of our school batch-mates. This was before the overload of whatsapp Groups and so remained special for all of us in this group. As I was in a different division, I knew only a handful of them from school days but over a period of time, we all grew closer together. There were lot of real conversations and fun chats and the group was alive mostly 24/7 as different people joined in at different time-zones. Since most of the members are across the globe, we do meet when someone comes down. So this was one such meetup when Mumtu was in town and we did a short visit to school as well. And it is commendable that none of us lives in Thrissur anymore and still managed to come down to Thrissur for the meetup 😍

Neighbors meetup  : In our days, we had 90+ students in one division and there were 7-8 such divisions in each batch. So it is tough even to actually get to know the people in your own class and batch. But when you study in the same school from LKG till 10th and some times in the same subsidiary for PUC as well, you make friends beyond your classmates as some personalities do stand out. And when they all live in the neighborhood , why not have a get-together 😊  So that's how we all got together. Although we all live in the same area (at least earlier), most of us were meeting for the first time after school. And yeah there is an overdose of  Dhanya's here just the same way it was in school where most of the batches had 2-3-4 or even 7 Dhanya's in one class 😄

Dhanya and Co : I had written about Dhanya earlier so not adding anymore details here. We do meet often whenever we both are in Thrissur and sometimes even in cochin where she lives. So this was more of a customary meetup before the year ended 😄

There were few other meetups also with Ram's friends and also family. So I think the real world experiment did work and one important thing I realized is, we really loose track of the years that has gone by without meeting in this age of social media and virtual interaction. So I do plan to continue the same in the new year too. Let's see how it goes and how long I will sustain 😍  

Friday, January 03, 2020

Goodbye 2010s , welcome 2020s

Looking back at 2019 an the last decade, all I can say is an unparalleled decade comes to a close.

Personally, I was in a devastated state towards the end of 2009 after the loss of my parents and the future did look hopeless. I could have easily sunk into depression and there were days when I could barely get out of bed in the morning. I got through because I had supportive people in my corner to help me continue fighting.  So standing here 10 years later, I can proudly say I survived :)
And another big change was of course marriage. I was never the girl who dreamed of prince charming or a wedding. So this was definitely a huge milestone. I also lived in 4 cities during this time and considering my inertia, these shifts did teach me a lot.

Professionally, this was the time I have experimented a lot. I left my first job which was my absolute comfort zone and dived in to the chaotic startup world. It was a sea of leanings in all respects. Being mentored at NASSCOM and NEN, exposure to TiE, IAN etc was completely different experience. Also when you are expected to be jack of all trades, there were some skills which I picked up while trying to assist someone else and got hooked. Web development is one such area where I ended up buying so many domains just for the fun of creating the sites 😈  I did return to corporate after that but I guess once you have seen the world of creativity, it is difficult to fit in to the set mold. Let's see what this decade brings in ;)

There have been lots of unexpected changes around as well across the globe - from floods to earthquakes, fires to hurricanes, Mother Nature has shown her full force in the past 10 years. My house was also affected in one such incident - the 2018 floods that affected all of Kerala. It was a kind of reminder that nature cannot be controlled by mere humans although we claim to have conquered the space. And I guess that is the single most thing we need to be constantly reminded of while manipulating nature.

Anyways the 2020s are here, and with this brand new decade come new challenges and some new opportunities that will change the way we live
… will the 2020s offer more hope? Let us believe so 😊