Though we all have heard this phrase time and again, it's difficult for me to accept the situation. Yes I know change is permanent, I know change is constant,I know change is good, but I have realized that I hate change. I hate change to an extreme degree. I hate it when things I liked, felt comfortable with, change on me. Sometimes that change may even be for better, sometimes not, but I still hate the newness of it all. It's like having to move, it may be a great new beginning but I always miss the old one. And inevitably that change is going to force me to adjust and make changes of my own which I will also hate for the mere fact that they are changes..
Bottom line is I'm not that graceful in handling it and so I want everything around me exactly the same way it was.. But Of late there are so many changes happening around me.. From this month onwards, my company changed. I hadn't changed the company for obvious reasons and then one fine day company decided to change itself !!! And here I am with a new ID card ,a new mail ID ,a new profile ,a new work package... The only comfort is that the faces around me are still the same and may be, just may be, I might get to work with some older faces as well..
Last week, I went to my home town and somehow I didn't like the visit, may be coz I saw changes in few things that I was very much used to..Though I had left this place quite some years ago, I still find it very hard in overcoming those feelings of attachments/belongings and that's especially true for temples. I just don't like the temples in Bangalore and so whenever I want to visit one, I long to go back home. So it was really painful when I saw that the temple near to my house - Cherumukku Temple - which I always refer to as my own and is very close to my heart, is getting a new look. It's getting renovated and people are excited about it. But then it is no longer the small, old, serene place which I frequented daily..the old walls that echoed our bhajans are fully gone,a big padippura has come, there are so many other small small changes as well, so much so that I can't identify with it anymore. Same with Vadakkunnathan Temple which was also one of my favorite..It is one of the oldest temples in the state and now they are changing all the wood work.. Some deities are re-arranged.. I just hope they stop it there and don't make it tooo new with some marble floorings or so!! (like the ones in Bangalore)
But I know I have come so far from where I was years ago and that's good, a reminder that I can handle change even though I absolutely do not want to. When I was small I used to think if I get married how I can leave my home and all things that I hold dear and go to an absolutely new place and coz of that I didn't want to get married! But here I am in an absolutely new place just after I finished my studies and the funny thing is though there are many things that I don't like,now Bangalore is more home to me than Thrissur to the extend that when I go back I often refer to my b'lore home as "Home".Or probably it's just that I'm used to Bangalore now ;) But yes even I complain about how Bangalore has changed drastically and I don't like that either. Why can't it be the same old peaceful place with less traffic , less crowd ,and less pollution..
Anyway I know no solutions here, just writing it down.. But just wondering in this world full of inventions and innovations, why can't someone invent something that will reverse all changes or may be we will get a filter where we can choose to take only whatever changes that we want.. I'm waiting for that but until then I can only shout
"STOP! STOP CHANGING! I just got used to this!"