"I have lost all my friends"

When Romesh told this, all of us were totally silent. We had just started our journey to Leh. Since the trip was bit taxing we were trying out some means to entertain ourselves. Even though it was the fourth day of our trip, we felt a self introduction will make sense. When Kiran’s turn came, he was telling how he and Gopan were together from childhood. It was then that Romesh interrupted asking

"Do you know what is the biggest loss in my life is?"

We couldn’t guess and he continued

"It is the fact that I have lost all my childhood friends"

Romesh was our guide who accompanied us from Manali to Leh and was basically from Kashmir. He then explained that his family migrated to Delhi after the riots. He said he did manage to make lot of friends afterwards but can never forget the ones he already left behind/lost.

For me it's difficult even to think of such a situation. My childhood friends were and are always an integral part of my life. I would say they were more like family than friends. Now even though we are in different parts of the world and cannot spend time together as we used to, deep inside we all know that we are there for each other whatever the case may be and that is the biggest confidence I have in life.

I'm just wondering why it that some people are deprived of this happiness that too for no fault of theirs…

As Poonthanam rightly said

"koodiyalla pirakkunna neerathum
koodiyalla marikkunna neerathum

madhye ingane kaanunna neerathu
mathsarikkunnathenthinu naam vruda"

(We are alone during birth n death. It is in between these two that we meet other people. Why are we wasting this short duration by fighting with each other?)

"I" vs "We"

"Emotionally you may hit a brick wall, DHANYA, when you find that your sensitive feelings aren't being as nurtured and respected as you might like them to be. If you constantly project an image of emotional strength and toughness, people will be either harder on you, or will look to you for support themselves. Now is a time when you are the one who is thirsty for it, so put your guard down and ask for the help and encouragement that you need."

This is what I got today in my Daily Horoscope Service from www.astrocenter.com. I'm not a hardcore believer of astrology and generally don’t pay much attention to these mails. But today it did make me think.

From school days I’m used to people coming to me for advice or just to vent their frustrations. Most of the cases I used to be a silent spectator who can’t do much about the issues. Sometimes I even used to feel bad about myself and used to wonder why they are coming to me when I can’t help them in anyway. But I never thought that I project an “image of emotional strength and toughness”. Do I really? Am I on guard and do I really need help?

It’s true that I'm not very comfortable discussing issues that bother me with everyone. In most of the cases I do handle it myself. But yes of late there were times where I have felt that I need someone to talk to. So I was just wondering how it was before and why is it that I'm feeling it only now? Was it that I never had any problems or was it that my guard was not there? Looking back, I realised that “I” never had any problems then. Even if “we” had any issues all of “us” used to solve it together. What happened later? Is it that as we grow older “we” splits to different “I”s? Is this the way of life? So does it make any difference even if I put my guard down? ;-)

Are you terrorists?

Have you ever faced this question? How will you feel then?

I was once asked this question and was clearly taken aback. It was in Sicily the land known for its strong mafia roots. Although looking back I feel very silly, that incident is something that I cannot forget easily.

It was my second visit to Italy and I was bit intimidated as my first experience was not a great one. Also in all the travel guides, there used to be a special mention about the strong mafia in Sicily. In spite of all these, we choose this place mainly coz it was a long weekend and also a fuming mountain is not something that you can visit everyday. Mount Etna is the highest European volcano which is around 3300 m high. We stayed just 30 m from Etna and so could see it all the time. But we wanted to take the Circumetnea which is a small railway line which circles the base of the volcano. But since Sicily is not a well developed tourist destination, the public transport or even tourist information was very pathetic.

Somehow we managed to reach the subway and took an underground pathway. It was almost empty except for the two of us and two punk styled guys walking in front of us. One of them was almost double my size, very hefty and looked very rough. Maybe coz of my preset mind, I felt a chill go down my spine.

Then they saw us and the immediate question was

'Are you terrorists?'

That was more than I could take. All sorts of terror stories started coming to my mind. There was no one else in the vicinity even if we scream for help... I couldn't utter a word and it was JK who answered them (tho later he too confessed that he was also very much scared)

The question answer session was like this

Punk1: "Are you terrorists?"
We: "No"

Punk1: "You are Indians?"
We: "Yes"

Punk1: "Are you Muslims"
We: "No"

Punk1: "In India most people are Muslims right?"
Punk2: "No Muslims are in Pakistan. In India majority are Hindus. Only Muslims are Terrorists!!"

Aha so that was the reason - they were doubtful that all Indians are Terrorists!!! Our Kashmir has given this kind of impression to the outside world..!!

Anyway, after this JK managed to get some information about the train timings and the station where we could board it. So after all it was not that bad :-)

My first Post

Why am I blogging? I don't have a proper answer to this...

As a child whenever I felt sad or happy I used to take it out on a pen and paper medium... May be that comes with being an only child... Initially it was old notebooks and later I upgraded myself to an LIC diary that I took from my mom. But over a course of time, like many other things, I dropped the habit of writing as well... Maybe I was able to vent my emotions in a different way!!!

Possibly with this blog I'm trying to go back to those days… so that later in my life, I can read this and laugh at myself thinking how immature I was!! (Just like the way I wonder now reading my old diaries)

I do have the insecurity that this is a public space. But may be, just may be, I need not wait many years to realize that I'm immature... So friends I do appreciate your comments. May be that will help me evolve in to a better person sooner... :)