Remembering the journey

Most of my blogger friends are celebrating their blog's 10th anniversary and I see many blogging marathons happening in the blogosphere. For me, my blogger profile says I've been on Blogger since December 2004, so technically it's my 12th anniversary as a blogger. But since most of my previous blogging trials were short-lived I can claim only the last ten years ;)

Oct 7th 2006 was when I started this blog  and it took me a couple of months to gather the courage to   make this public .  When I started I thought it's going to be my private diary, just me and my thoughts, and no one will read it. But over a period of time, I got so many friends here and even though the blogging frequency reduced, the friends remained. So I just wanted to acknowledge the space and the support I got from here.

Ten years!!


We keep saying "time flies" but I really can't believe it's been ten years.  An entire decade has whizzed by!!   This chapter of my life has been...everything -   wonderful, exciting, scary, insecure, confusing, fuzzy and heartwarming. It's certainly been the most intense decade of my life. And I am grateful for all of it - the buzzing highs, shattering lows and everything in between.

So many things changed - my environment, my life, my outlook, my job, even places I lived.  Along with all these changes even my blog, the frequency in which I write, my tone of writing all changed. But I also realized that beyond all these superficial changes, there is me that doesn’t change. Come to think of it, our blog is our virtual home right? At some point in the chaotic life, you have had enough and you choose to leave it behind to explore other things that lies beyond. And after some time you miss the home and want to come back. But sometimes when you have packed your bags and said your goodbyes it gets difficult to do that...

Anyways I am so grateful for the connections I have made through this little space in the internet. Without this blog, I wouldn't have had a way into your home and life and you wouldn't have had a way into mine. You are all part of my extended family and I am touched that you have ventured over to this space, read what I wrote, and connected with me.

And I appreciate YOU!

Your comments help me to know you more. I know there are many anonymous readers. Tell me who you are and why you are here. Even why you like reading my blog and what do you want to read about will be an icing on the cake. If not just say a HiWon't you?

Onam - Opening the Treasure Chest of Memories

Another Onam has gone past and for me it is a festival that evokes so many memories; some very nostalgic and some bittersweet. Like in most Kerala Hindu households, we celebrate only two main festivals in a year - Onam and Vishu. In both these, the highlight was the kodi or new dress as those days’ new dresses where limited only to these festive occasions and the lip smacking sadhya in a plantain leaf. And of-course Onam used to be tad more favorite coz of the 10 days of school vacation after the first term 'Onam Examinations'.

During my childhood, the first activity related to Onam used to be preparing of pookkalam (floral carpet) early morning on a small cow dung smeared patch in the yard. All the flowers came from our garden itself and the variety of designs used to be in the colors of flowers and leaves used. After the exams when the vacation starts, the designs became more grand and intricate.  There were also the small local kids groups who used to do the Kummatikali and Puli kali. They move from house to house collecting money and amusing children. And temple visit was mandatory on Thiruvonam day.

When I moved to the city for work, the pookkalam decors were limited to the office ones during the customary Onam celebrations. Where else to find a cow dung smeared yard or a backyard to pluck flowers? And I was not in favor of store brought flowers for a ritual that was originally meant for integrating humans with nature. Every year a visit to home was mandatory as amma was very particular about the family to be together at least for Thiruonam which was the main festival day. I used to enjoy these visits as I always felt the high-spirited people of Kerala celebrated Onam with gaiety and fervor. So there used to be high energy in the air during this time in Kerala. During my travels in train, I used to enjoy looking at the different pookkalams in front of the houses and the happy kids playing. The landscape itself would have turned fully green with blooms all around. The heavy monsoon would have given way to an occasional drizzle as if to keep the atmosphere cool. The Nila on the way used to be full only in this season and would give a loud echo as train passed through. The markets and cloths shops would be crowded and some onam fairs/melas would be seen everywhere.
   
I remember for one Onam when I couldn't take leave, acchan and amma travelled to Bangalore. That was the first time they had come to blr in the entire seven years’ timeframe I was here and it was the last Onam together for us as a family. They stayed for a month where we went for some site seeing which was again a first except may be some temple visits. Three months later acchan passed away.  Next Onam was difficult without acchan, but I didn't want amma to be alone on an Onam day either. So as was the tradition, went home and that's when amma first complained of her chest pain. So despite being the Thiruvonam day I took her to hospital and though the junior doctor doubted some variations in ECG, the senior doctor told that it is fine and she just needs to come for regular checkups. On hindsight, I feel I should have waited for one more day for the hospital visit as doctors also might have been in a hurry to join their family on this festive day.  Unfortunately the junior doctor's diagnosis was correct and amma joined acchan the very next week. Onams after that was literally a nightmare although I kept coming back to an empty house and made the sadhya all alone year after year. After my marriage I couldn't continue as my in-laws felt going to an empty house for Onam was not required (which was logical), but the very thought that the house is silent and locked for Onam gave me heartaches but I didn't have a choice.

So this year, it felt so surreal to be back in a lively livable house for Onam after almost a decade. It was so fulfilling to walk on the familiar streets, the buzzing market places, to visit the neighborhood temple, or just be in the Thrissur round watching the Puli kali procession. Onam has changed in a huge manner over the years and there won't be any going back. Almost all traditional flowers in pookkalams has given way to market bought ones which are cultivated exclusively for Onam season, Onakkodi has lost it's significance as now we buy new dresses without any occasion, home-made sadhya is slowly giving way to ready-made ones, Onam family gatherings are giving way to club celebrations , traditional onam games are almost extinct and the biggest entertainment seems to be the 'beverages'. Now a days I hardly see any Kummatti groups coming to houses and even Pulikali seems to have gone the commercial way. Nila has remained dry even this season which indicates the severe damage we have done to the nature and although originally a harvest festival, not many families are into agriculture and so nothing to harvest and 'buying' is the new norm. But as they say sometimes you will never know the true value of A Moment until it becomes a Memory... So just wanted to cherish these moments and record it before it fades away from my memory.

Live your best life

Few days back was Women’s Day and it came with all the bells and whistles and everyone was so compelled to say or do something that acknowledged the day. I guess as soon as the clock stuck midnight, women got back to their favorite game of juggling – cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. at home or if at work – calls, meetings, mails and the innumerable to do lists. And the worst part is she is always guilt ridden and has this fear of being a bad mother/wife/daughter even if she is doing things much better than her men counterparts. Funny thing is I don’t understand why people think 15% discount in the neighborhood beauty parlor or playing a women only game can empower women!!!  Same way I don’t understand how men and women can be equal when our physical attributes, sensibilities inclinations and emotions are so very different!  Anyways that's for another time.

Now I just felt like jotting down these points which I felt is important to move ahead when women get hit by emotional exhaustion (yeh most women do). Maybe a few applies to men as well ;)

1)      Discover yourself

This is definitely the toughest challenge in life for anyone. Take some time and think about the things that you really like to do, things you used to enjoy, your hobbies, your heart’s desires, goals and dreams. If we are spending too much time to fit into everyone else’s perception, we will eventually forget who we really are. So, by all means, be a good daughter/wife/friend/mother; but be yourself and realize your own potential first.

As they say, you are responsible for the talent that has been entrusted to you.

2)      Overcome your fears

Everyone has their fears, their weaknesses and their selfishness in spite of how much experience, talent or confidence they have. Let it be..  Just go out of your comfort zone, start something new, take risk and do something that you have never done before. 

Remember the quote: ’’Today’’ is what you did and thought yesterday, and ’’tomorrow’’ is what you do and think today

3)      Keep your old friends

I have felt that staying connected to people from my past is an important happiness booster. In each stage of our lives, we would have had great friends and great experiences, but when we move to the next stage, we find it difficult to stay connected to them. It is sad that usually in the hierarchy of relationships, we keep friendships at the bottom. Family, children, romantic partner all these comes first. But remember good friends are hard to come by. So don’t lose one just because we are lazy and egoistic to get in touch.

4)      Learn to Relax

Probably most of the women especially the perfectionists find it very difficult. There is no need to micromanage every single thing happening around us (unless it is rocket science). Few unfolded clothes or untidy dishes will not bring the world down. So accept things as they are and let go of your expectations. We can’t move on if we are stressed about little things all the time and don’t know how to relax.

5)      Be kind

Open your heart through acts of caring and compassion for both nature and all of humanity. It can be a small gesture as simple as a warm smile to a stranger, a kind word or positive remark to the office boy, a pat on the head for a street dog. We never know what kind of day that person is having and that smile might just make their day a whole lot nicer.

And, No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.